Hey

It has been many years since I've posted any post in this blog and i decided to make a post today about all the ups and downs that i have been through.

At the age of 16, i fell in love with this girl during my part time job. Let's us call her bae. It has been three years and yet i still like her the most.

At the age of 17, i stopped myself from having all the suicidal thoughts and self harm. I decided to eat healthily again and in  fact i gained weight. Also, i opened up to my friends about my depression, suicidal past and my sexuality. Most people accept me while some do not accept this side of me and they want me to change. At this age, i was working hard to get a good GPA and i didn't care about anything else but my GPA. In the end, i realized that hard work is bullshit and the world is unfair.


At the age of 18, i got myself a tattoo and this is the year i broke my mom's heart. I am seriously a wild and rebel child. I hate myself. I learnt to smoke and i was really bad. I fell in love and fall out of love. This year was terrible because i cried alot way alot. I was so unhappy everyday that my suicidal thoughts came back and i was soooo depressed that i couldn't eat well. I had a part time and i kept working. I starved myself and i smoked heavily. This carries on for weeks until my body couldn't take it anymore. I was really really really sick till i lost a lot of vitamins and calcium in my body. Doctor even suspected that i have throat cancer and wanted me to go back for a check up but i didn't because i know it was due to smoking.  At this age, i fell in love with this girl and she was beautiful, so beautiful to me. However, she gave me a lot of painful memories and we are like strangers now. :(

At the age of 18 too, i fell in love with another girl and she made me the happiest person on earth. We were very in love and i thought she was the one. This girl, i would want to write a passage about her.
" I still remember the day when you decided not to be with me anymore, every part of me shattered. I guess I can only blame myself for that. You loved me, you were the reason after so long to why I look forward to waking up each day, the reason why I wanted to quit smoking and lead a better life. You were my motivation. You’ve no idea how glad I was to have you in my life that only happy thoughts came into my mind everyday. I thought to myself “ finally “ but I guess everything was really too good to be true. "

It was all my fault and i wish i could have done better. This goes on for a few months and i wasn't okay. I started having suicidal thoughts again and i started hurt myself again. I was so hurt by everything that i kept smoking during work. My body became weaker and my face became older. 

During this age, i met another girl again because i just wanted to forget the previous one. I thought in order to fix myself, all i needed to do was to find another one. I went searching countless girls and countless dates hope i could forget about her. None comparable to her. 


At the age of 19, i met someone new and i would say it will be only infatuation and i do not want to have any relationship without forgetting the bae. However, i met her yesterday and she told me she was getting married. Do you know that feeling? 但你喜欢的人在你面前说她喜欢谁，要结婚了。那种感觉是多么的痛苦的。我一直都没办法告诉她，我好难过。

China Trip !

THE CHINA TRIP EDITION.

Hey guys !
I apologize for not being active in this blog. It has been a long time since I last blog, because i've been
really busy recently. I went to travel around China - Shanghai, Hangzhou, Guangzhou, Wu Zhen, Xi Hu,
Xi Xi and Huang Shan ! Probably only 0.5/4 of China, because China is really really big ! To be honest,
it's my first time to go such a cold country, so I was really sua ku about it. I really wanted to see snow,
 but IT DIDN'T SNOW AT ALL. FUUU .
 This gonna be quite a long post because I went there for 8 Days 7 Night.

Firstly, I took the 5 hours of flight. It was really really tiring. My flight was 6.30pm, so I lucky enough to
catch the sunset !

After I reached HangZhou, the weather was extremely cold, around 8 - 10 degree. I was shivering!

Because I was only wearing a T- Shirt and Jean !

Exhausted me!

Day 2 

I went to buy the swimsuit at the Shopping Centre because I was force to go to the Hot Spring. -_-

The swimsuit was really sexy type. -_- So I went to the Hot Spring place. It was a Korean Hot Spring,

so I expected to have many Korean Hot Guys. But no, LOL. I saw a few of Naked People

walking around the room. -_- It was really relaxing and fun overall.

Me after the Hot Spring. I was really ugly, so I COVER MY FACE. 

Bing Tang Hu Lu ! This is really nice, I love the Strawberry one. You guys should try it at Chinatown.

Day 3 - Up the Huang Shan ( Yellow Mountain ) 

I took the 3 hours bus ride to Yellow Mountain, and join the Tour. It was super tiring while climbing the

mountain, plus I'm already afraid of  height since young. It was really, omg .

Okay, I look like tomato. LOL 

Saw these lover lockers. And my heart was like AWWWWWWW. 

Saw this cute baby climbing the mountain with his dad. SO CUTE RIGHT .

This is so scary that I almost pee on my pant, joking. 

I looked so cramp, but it's all because of the Sun. LOL

The cold weather there make my skin look so good, OMG. LOL 

Hey blazing sun.

The mountain is soooooooo pretty. 

Then after the 6 hours of climbing the mountain, I was so exhausted like a tomato being squash. LOL

Day 4 - Down the hill.  

I woke up super early just to catch the morning sun rise. It was the most beautiful sun in the morning, the sun

shine brightly on my face and wake me up. The sunlight made my cold heart turn warm. LOL 

Look at the cute sun !

Omg, I love the color of my hair! It's natural brown, thanks to the sunlight. BEAUTIFUL RIGHT.

 Good Morning! I look so gong ( blur ) here. LOL

THIS IS ALSO VERY BEAUTIFUL. 

Saw this friendship store. It was so kawaiiii. 

Me with the tree. LOL 

Ice !

This look so yummy, like the Ice Kachang. 

Saw some workers carry those heavy stuff up the hill, it was so super tiring for them. They 

were all perspiring all the way, and yet I still can complain about how tired I am. LOL 

Hey there, tired legs. LOL

I make a lot of friends inside the tour, and I was the youngest by the way! After the Yellow Mountain,

My feet was so freaking painful, only the stupid feet. I dont know why too. Then took 5 hour of bus 

ride to Shanghai. Sitting inside the bus for such a long time, also very tiring too! It was very late

when I reached Shanghai, so I didn't manage to shop. Shanghai is really beautiful !

Day 5 - ShangHai.

I went to shop at the nearby mini market, the price was quite costly. 

Saw these little crickets, and begged my mother to buy for me. She was like NO. 

I think you saw something dirty too. LOL

 Chucky baby, OMG SO SCARY. 

I wanted to buy all these, but it was too expensive, like really expensive. :( 

Saw these two cute little doggy. They keep following me around, I begged my mother to bring them

back to Singapore. LOL

I looked so old and weak like an old woman. LOL

Their train is quite similar to our MRT.  But it was really fun to take their train.

Bat baby transform ! 

I went inside the Building of Ice place, and saw all these !

Saw a mini playground, and went to play for 15 minutes. LOL, It was extremely fun !

Ready, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. 

IT'S A RAINBOW SLIDE, OHYEAH.

SEE, I GOT JAWLINE BY THE WAY. lol 

 After 30 minutes inside, and went out to take a walk at the beautiful park. I SWEAR TO GOD, IT 

IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PARK EVER.

MAPLE LEAF, MAPLE STORY. LOL

SHANGHAI ~ 

After the long walk at the beautiful park, I went inside the Art Museum. 

Saw the tattooed model, it was so beautiful, and I want this kind of tattoo as well !

Took the Train to Shanghai City. 

I drank two cup of this beer, and it was really delicious though. 

My face was really red after I drank the beer. :O 

After the dinner, went to shop at the Shanghai city. 

Day 6 - Back to HangZhou 

I realized those motorbikes always have the cloth to cover their hands from getting the cold wind. 

I tried the Beer again !

Leaf made things ! 

Xi Hu 

Hey Duckies.

 Hey birdies .

Ice cream in the winter! Extremely awesome ^^

Day 7 - Wu Zhen

This taste like Ang Ku Kueh, it's exactly like Ang Ku Kueh actually. 

Ice cream on a nasty cold day again!

China's smelly tofu, it was delicious !

Day 8 - Xi Xi 

Day 9 - Return to Singapore.

This is so cute, the MacDonald delivery edition. Over there, I tried their KFC and MAC.

It was quite cheap, and delicious, especially MAC - They sell chickens ! It's like so

different, even the sauces. Like KFC sell mostly Hamburgers, while Mac do sell Burgers,

but there's Chicken. But overall , it was so delicious.  

CHINA MANDU. 

Night market at HangZhou. 

I tried the Fried spicy crab, around 3 bucks Sin Dollar. It has 3 small crabs, crispy 

and delicious ! 

CRABS EVERYWHERE. lol !

The huge chicken drumsticks. 

Even their taxi are so cool. 

Okay, my China trip ended like that. It was a fun, and great. Lastly, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY. HOHOHO .